Getting lost

It's horrible being lost. Of course, there are different types of lostness. There is the one where you are physically lost, where you are wandering around (or driving around) and have no idea how to get to your destination. That's a bit easier to overcome than the other types. Usually, what happens in this situation you find a nice person to give you directions (or see a road sign or something else that points you in the right direction). You arrive at your destination, and all is well.

It's a bit more complicated if you are lost in an emotional, mental or spiritual sense. There aren't any obvious road signs, or maps telling you how to get to where you want to be. What happens if you don't know where you want to be? Ever since I was challenged a few weeks ago about wasting my potential, I've been thinking about my life. About where I'm going, and how I'm going to get there. I really don't have the faintest idea how things are going to turn out, but I think as long as I'm doing the things I love, with the people I care about, then I'll be ok.

Lucky

I took this picture last week outside Kilkenny Castle. It really spoke to me about life today and how really we don't know we're born when we think about how things were in times past compared to today. In an age of huge TVs, when most of us have a roof over our head, clothes to wear and food to eat, can we in this country really say that we are poor? Looking at this picture, can we really say that we know what poverty is?

The contrast between the two individuals is startling. The poor wee boy from 1311 is dressed in rags, and is completely destitute, whereas the modern-day woman is wearing warm clothes, is using a mobile phone and has a handbag at her feet. When I look at this I'm actually quite humbled, I think about all the blessings that I do enjoy and don't feel that I appreciate them enough. When I look at that picture, my heart breaks a little for the children in those days and how much they suffered. It's not limited to the fourteenth-century, though, even today there are people starving in East Africa and living in terrible conditions all over the world. In this country we talk about 'recession' but if we were even to experience a small part of what people actually living in real poverty do experience, we would probably think twice about claiming that we are poor and can't make ends meet.

Family Trees

I decided a little while ago to trace my ancestors. I am not sure what inspired this, I had always sort of wanted to do it but all of a sudden I became really interested and wanted to know who I'm descended from and (more interestingly) how they lived their lives. I've gone back to one of my great-great grandmothers on my dad's side and have found out that my great-grandfather's brother was a tailor which fascinated me as I thought they had all been farmers! I've since found out that the likelihood was that as my great-great uncle Daniel wasn't the eldest son he had to forge another career for himself as John (my great-grandfather) was the eldest son and so would inherit the farm.

My great-great grandmother (Mary) was born in 1836 or 1837. I haven't found out who her husband was as he was dead at the time of the 1901 census. I am planning to visit the Public Records Office to find all that out, as there really is limited information available on t'internet once you go back further than 1901 (or so I've found).

I did think I would trace my mum's side of the family tree but I went back a few generations and found there were too many skeletons in closets and for the sake of family sanity I decided that I'd gone far enough. My mum's cousin, who was visiting from Australia, actually rang to apologise for scaring me with all the stories(which was really nice of her, even though she hadn't scared me at all).

Maybe I focus too much on the past, but it's really important to me to know where I came from and I think it does help me to understand myself better.

Epiphanies and how to avoid them

I love the word epiphany. It has such a lovely sound. Anyway, I have not written anything on this blog for ages and it has been woefully neglected. I had lots of lovely plans about what I was going to write about, but I have come to the conclusion that I am Very Easily Put Off and this needs to stop.
I was on holiday last week - a bus tour to Kilkenny in the Republic of Ireland. It was fabulous and I saw lots of nice things and and met some lovely people.

In this picture is a lady called Nancy (the one wearing the hat.) I hope she doesn't mind me writing about her. I had lots of lovely chats with her over the few days I was away and I feel that meeting her has been really important. She was honest and straight to the point and I really liked her. It is terribly disconcerting to be told by someone you've only just met that you're wasting your talents, but I did need to be told. I feel that my life has been lacking in direction, and I think I really needed someone to come along and tell me that I should be doing something different. I am not sure exactly what that something different is, but at least I have realised that I can't go on the way I am doing and something has to change.

I entitled this post 'Epiphanies and how to avoid them.' I am not entirely sure that they should be avoided. We went to the Japanese Garden at the Irish National Stud and they had a Tunnel of Ignorance there. I know they do say ignorance is bliss but I think ignorance is horrible. The tunnel was pitch black and I didn't like it at all and wanted to leave immediately. It wasn't very nice. I would rather know that something is wrong and have the power to change it, than go along and think everything is ok and in reality I would be stuck in a metaphorical pitch black tunnel.

So, what am I going to do with my new found knowledge? The first thing I am going to do is write. I have started working on a story about the Boleyns in the aftermath of Anne and George's executions. I had a really vivid dream about how Anne's mother would have felt about her death, and I decided to write something exploring how the whole family would have felt. Once I finish that I will probably publish it here. After that, I'll be doing National Novel Writing Month in November (I did it last year and it is fab.)
I want things to be different - that includes my job. I will be changing career in the future - not sure what I will be doing but it will be something worthwhile. I was watching 'The Tudors' earlier and I love the quote about how life is like the flight of a sparrow through a banqueting hall on a winter's day.  It is a cliche that life is short, but it's true. Nancy told me that the two saddest words in the English language are 'if only' and it is true.